I miss you!!

I've missed you all so much!  I just feel like all my spare moments have been going, going, gone!

Not that I don't have them actually... but when I do, sometimes its just spent relaxing.  surely you understand :)

lately, i've been feeling like I've been wearing a little bullseye on my back for the devil and his cronies... know what i mean?  I was sharing my thoughts on this with Matt and Jodi last night.  Its kinda like Survivor.  (yes we do watch it, and yes i felt like the finale on Sunday was a big old letdown!) 

In that game, you are trying to always keep the focus off of you until the bitter end.  If you can just make it another day - make it through another "tribal council", you will live a little longer in the game.  And it doesn't matter if you're lazy, if you're a shmoozer, or if you're a paranoid annoyance, (or a federal special agent?? Phillip, anyone? lol) - as long as someone else sticks out more than you - you're more than likely to be safe for another day.

Sometimes, I feel like that in life.  If I'm not really vocal for the kingdom, I can just keep to myself - play it safe - stay quiet - keep my head down, and i'll be left alone.  But just like the wimpy survivors who manage to make it to the end - those "competitors" who've played the game riding coattails.... what a letdown!  someone is given this cool opportunity, and they don't use it.  how worthless.  how sad.  how wasteful. 

Then of course - the other side....

As soon as you decide to make a move - creating a proverbial blip (even a small one) on the radar screen, BostonRob (for you fans - again lol) wants to take you down hard, and take you down fast.

I don't mean to liken him to the devil in this illustration! hahaha  but you get my point.

So the devil has just been having a field day with me.  There was (and still is!!) so much joy over getting our first well.  so much excitement about starting the "work" on the second one!  Plus - a lot of other personal things that are just soooooooo cool that God has just blessed blessed blessed me with... and it feels like the devil is just like. "whoa!!! boys! i just got a huge surge of joy on the screen.  seek and destroy guys!"

but as i was sharing with Joey yesterday morning, isn't it funny that even through all that - God will allow it because He wants to use those rough times to teach us! (Oh, if only we'll listen instead of complaining.  Good thing He's patient!!)

I was blessed to be hanging out with Steve and Tony C. the other day before practice, and Tony just looks at me and says "So what does get you mad Leah?"

For some reason... people think I never get mad cuz i smile so much! hahaha  Ask my sister.  I DO get angry.

I shared with him - you know what Tony?  I really value the peace in my home, but lately - I've been seeing that even peace that comes from Christ can be an idol if we seek IT above Him.  And sometimes the Lord will take that peace away to show us that our priorities are misplaced.

It was like I didn't truly realize it until I said it.

It just all keeps coming back to complete trust in Him.  Understanding that He loves us.  Living without fear.  Letting Him mold our hearts instead of balking... constantly. ugh.  

Is this a rambling blog today?  I feel like it makes sense to me... but what i guess I'm trying to say is - i'm a little battered on the outside, but still joyful on the inside because He keeps reminding me where it all comes from.

As far as the walking....I am STILL loving this journey.  Micah, Sydney, and I went on a nightwalk with a flashlight the other night and wow!!!!! sooooooooooo fun!!!  I am planning on doing a crazy 15 miler at the bay sometime soon - very soon.  I don't mind going by myself - but if anyone feels like jumping in... you are MORE than welcome :)

I don't think I walk too fast - but Joe has noticed that I am faster than I started out four months ago... but on a scale of 1-10,  1 being the old leah and 10 being a Margi... i am nowhere near a comfortable Margi pace yet.  I'm probably at a 6.32  :)  hehe

love you all so much.  thanks for the constant encouragement.  it never gets old to me :)